is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
