btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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