Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
