We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
