Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
