every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
