He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
