i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
