don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
