My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
