I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
