you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the condom got lost in my hair
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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