It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
