I accidentally had phone sex last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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