you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
are you so shy because you have an std?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
