When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
