There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
