He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
