the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
