so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
