my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
