One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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