R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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