Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
