also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
