the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
