Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
