I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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