Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
