I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were destined to go to rehab together
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
