You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
