Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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