im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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