We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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