we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
