I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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