I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
