just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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