I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
