Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
