I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
