I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
