just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
