Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
