So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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