question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
