Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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