My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
