good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
