i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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